Freedom Ride

After thirty years, this New Yorker has finally gotten her license to drive.

My spirit desires a horse to ride around town, but in the meantime I guess a car will suffice.
For most of my life I have lived in Queens, NY, in many different apartments, but they have always been five minutes away from the train, so most times I didn't feel the need to drive. The desire was there, but obviously never enough to get my license. And whenever there was a need to get out of town, a ride would be there too. Frankly, I have always enjoyed being driven. You get to enjoy the ride and the views and control the music.. and read on the long drives. I have always seen myself having a driver.. perhaps that was a manifestation of my fear..However, there were always those times when ohhh how I wished I could have just gotten into a car and driven awayyyyy farrrrr awayyyyy.... but, I couldn't. So I didn't. ( I (wasn't) one for pushing myself) My big sister and I used to go for drives when I was little, but I haven't really had that ritual with anyone else since. It hasn't been until recently that I have had the strong desire to want to go for drives again. By myself. Now that I have moved to New Mexico, I really don't have much choice in the matter. And because I am alone 97% of my time, there's no one around to drive me. So I finally got my license! I would like to add that I did learn to drive when I was 19 or younger..or older? (Not a very good keeper of time) I learned to drive because my boyfriend and my friends at the time were too drunk to drive. It made me feel better being behind the wheel than them, but I haven't driven much in between the years and almost never by myself. I was pretty surprised with the excitement I felt passing my drivers test. I felt like a big girl who just stepped into a whole new world! A world most of you have been in for a while now. Hey, we all have our own timing.. So, today I get upstate to our house, I was scheduled to mix my album this last week that I am in New York and boy as if my week couldn't get any worse (Mercury MUST be in retrograde).. I lose everything on my computer. Ok not SUCH a big deal because I do have everything backed up (except the last 800 photos that I uploaded from my camera today-I've gotten used to this losing process), but still, my computer is as if it is brand spankin new. It was quite scary. It's still freaking me out because I haven't restored it yet, but I'm waiting for this retrograde to be over with before I proceed with any of my technical issues. But when this wipe out occurred, I just fell into tears.. for about the 20th time this week! I don't do much crying these days so this was an emotional week to say the least. I remember the first cry of the week when I thought, "ahh I so needed that.." but by this time, it was more like, "whyyyyyyy what is going onnnnn?!!!!? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

I have been preparing to mix my music since I've been back in town for the past two months, even went to the studio for  a session, but couldn't get anything done due to technical issues on my behalf. So it has been extremely frustrating which is not a regular occurrence in my life. Things usually flow. And because this wasn't flowing, I just knew something was off. I kept having this feeling like I was not intended to mix my music -here- or in this way - or at all. So you know what I did after I calmed down a bit ? I took the car keys, and went for a driiiiiiiiiiiive....

My first drive alone.. in the country.. along these winding country roads.. up these winding country mountains.. alongside these farmlands.. through these mountain trees... Ahhhhhh yesssssssss

YESSSSSSSSSSS

sunroof open... windows down... sun had just set... sky turning bluer and bluer.. misty clouds hanging low below the mountain tops.. trees dripping fresh rain water... deer everywhere... watch out for the skunk! Watch out for the kitty cat! Watch out for that tree! Oops, can't keep my eyes off of the sky...

After some silent driving just listening to the sound of the tires against the wet pavement and the stream in between the trees, I turned on some beautiful and special music by someone so very close to my heart and it was like I was hearing it for the first time all over again.. Ahhhh.... (that was a good ahhh:) and then I drove down to the river, stripped down and washed myself..c l e a n...

When the world seems too heavy for your fragile little body, get into the river and wash all of the excess away.. leaving you with only yourself and your love.. which is all that you really need..

Driving back home, I passed the corn again, I passed the barns again, I passed the deer again, I passed that same skunk again and then it came to me.. as it has so many times before (I wonder how I seem to keep forgetting..) "give away your music..just as it is... and let me do the rest..." 

"Ok", I said. "As you wish.."

And so I gave it up. I give it up! I gave up MY way. In all actuality, it wasn't my way, it was the way I was trying to be for others. It was me giving into the pressures of the world and of the people around me. You need to do this, and then this, and then this.. all of these different kinds of medias to promote myself to make moneyyy. When I'm not sure if you have already noticed, but I'm really not into that whole game. Blessed me. Perhaps one day I will have a team of people who are, but that day is not here yet.
Only today is. 

So, there it is. I will be giving my music away to whoever wants it.. just as it is.. there is absolutely nothing perfect about my sound to the critical ear. You will hear car horns, coughing, dog shaking, water dripping on my air conditioner, me bumping into the mic, ohhh so many imperfect noises.. but now I realize, and it's something I have realized for a while, but too concerned with what everyone else will think, that all of these imperfections is what makes my sound, my sound. For-now. We all like to say that we are not perfect, but I like to believe that it is the recognition of our imperfections that keep us striving for not perfection, but the absolute best we can be, who we are intended to be. So I'm taking myself and my music less serious and letting it be just what it is. All I know is that I love to create. I NEED to create. I LIVE to CREATE. Anything that my heart moves me to create. And I am good at it :) Music is just something that flows through me so effortlessly as do my other creations. None of this music was written. Most of this music is simply, sound. Some of my words are simply, words. Most times I would create the music in a matter of moments and then hit record and record my voice..not thinking of what I was doing, singing or saying, simply, being. With -hardly- any editing. The spirit of all of my music, was created in and from the spirit of love..because that is where I live, and when you truly are in the spirit of love, you are in true freedom..and true peace..

So I offer my soul to you.. I offer the spirit of love to you.. I offer you sounds of my freedom, and all I ask is that you listen without any expectations.. let them go! And listen with new ears.. as if you have never heard any kind of music before.. as if you don't have any musical knowledge leaving you with nothing to compare it to.. and receive what is truly there for you.. that is the way to practice t r u e listening.
One thing I know for sure is that this is why I am here.. and it has very little to do with me and more so to do with Us.

I do hope you are inspired to let yourself be exactly who you are.

You are beautiful.You are here for a reason.

Thank you for listening and welcome to my freedom ride.. won't you come along~

With all the love that I am,

Sophia

-Sorry you're going to have to wait just a liiiitle bit longer seeing that I have to restore my whole computer :-/ I'm such a tease, I know. I WILL have it up on BandCamp this week.. You'll'' hear about it, just keep l i s t e n i n g ;)